I Remember The Songs

“While I'm, here I am. I'm standin' still stare at you only. Everythin' gets blurry,”

I remember that feeling when I walked across the bridge to the bus that would take me home. It was cold and windy, and I was suffocated with anything between the loud crowd of the city or my own feelings.

I was too scared to get hurt, let alone stay in silence also would make everything grow worse, so then I took the scariest thing possible: to put all I believed I'd had at risk.

I didn't meant to hurt anybody. All I knew was that it was meant to be. We were meant to be.

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“And when I'm holding you, the world makes sense on my side of the fence,”

I remember this particular song as the song I held on to when everything fell apart. The happy light I turned on that didn't match any of the chaos. I planted the calmness I strangely found in this song until it was attached to this particular person as well.

I wanted to have this song at my wedding one day. I found the calm was beautiful, but then it got a bit scary when I started to have this question more than a year later. What if I'm married to a different person as the one who grew up in this song?

Of course, there will be another song. There must be.

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“Take me home, I'm fallin'. Love me long, I'm rollin'”

I remember sitting across from you at the coffee shop. The first day I saw you, after I blew everything up to pieces. This song was played, and we murmured the same part.

Songs and movies are my weakness when it comes to your preferences. Finding a very few that we both like is like finally having a midpoint to meet.

I decided to put you in that song when I realized that I cared about you a lot. Like, a lot.

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“Every street is bringing back a memory. Calling you again, I guess you're busy,”

I remember the wake-up call. It was like having a finger snap that brings all the senses back to work as they should be, and I found you nowhere.

I read the slightest change, and there were too many what-ifs. I asked you once in hopes that it would make any sense.

I guess I ended up with many more what-ifs.

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“You're in my head more often than I want, more often than I wanna tell you,”

I remember telling myself it wouldn't be fair for you if I walked past the line. I find it's torturing to not talk to the only person you can talk to about anything. I get it.

I got lost in this exact same forest many times in many dreams. I knew you were in there, as lost as I was, yet you didn't want to be found.

Not by me.

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“I give up trying, at least for today,”

I remember you walked out through the door, and all I could do was watch your back. I kept thinking I could trace back all the roads I've gone through, but I didn't remember a part of myself that brought me here.

I ran out of time. I ran out of February.

And all I could think about was how I could make everything fair for you from now on.

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“You told me about your past, thinking your future was me,”

I remember this one friend told me that we could never find happiness right where we lost it. That’s it. That’s all.

Be happy, be with whoever helps you be.

I'll be just fine.